My Dad and my Boyfriends
A story about the hilarious side of my dad and his interactions with my boyfriends.
I’ve been told I tell good stories. I think most of my story telling abilities come from my facial expressions and body movements, so writing a story opposed to acting one out will be a challenge. Here goes…This story is from 2005.
When my dad was alive, he was a shit disturber. When he got bored he liked to amuse himself, sometimes at the expense of others. I’d like to say it was good-hearted, which sometimes it was, but most of the times it was not.
Being the father of two girls, and also a shit disturber, meant him consistently trying to break down any one of the boyfriends my sister and I would introduce to him. He would never call any of our boyfriends by their actual names. For example, Darren, was Warren. Ben was called Peter, one of my exes. Peter had been a vegetarian, and when I first introduced him to my dad, I decided I’d let him tell my dad his diet restrictions instead of me informing him prior to the visit (I should mention I’m also a shit disturber). We went to his house, where we were to have beef chilli for dinner. I thought this was hysterical, my boyfriend looked terrified and sick while his bowl of steaming hot animal flesh and beans was being served to him. To my amusement, he ate it. I burst into laughter the second he swallowed. My dad immediately asked what was so funny, to which I replied that he hadn’t eaten meat since childhood and he just had, likely in an effort to impress him. Peter’s face turned red, immediately allowing my dad to see his vulnerability. My dad, unimpressed by this information, questioned in an astounded manner “do you not eat deer, or beef, or chicken, or anything? What do you eat?” He then scoffed at whatever response Peter gave, and I think that was the beginning of the end of their relationship.
Ben, who my dad referred to as Peter, was a guy my dad actually liked. The reasons: he was physically fit, fixed my dad’s stuff, and chopped and carried as much wood as my dad instructed him to. Ben wasn’t the smartest kid on the block, and being in his early 20’s at the time, was extremely eager to please and was extremely gullible. One night, my dad started spinning a tale of how he and his friends used to jump into the lake when it was frozen over. This was an easy tale to spin because Ben was from Australia and was unfamiliar with the ways of the cold north. My dad reeled him in knowing how to hook him, by stating “Oh ya, really, you’re not considered a man in Canada if you haven’t swam under the ice. Actually Ben, the lake is covered with ice right now, maybe you should try it and become a man?” This was the perfect opportunity for Ben to prove his manhood to my dad and completely win him over (spoiler alert, I think this did win him over, not because he proved himself a man but because of aforementioned qualities and because my dad knew he permanently had a court jester if he was in the mood to be entertained).So, we gathered at the end of the dock while Ben actually jumped into the ice covered lake at my dad’s push. My dad loved that his crafty ways had succeeded, and for fifteen minutes periodically in years to come, he was entertained regaling the tale of the time he convinced one of my stupid boyfriends to risk his life.
And here is a video of that day…Enjoy!!